Without knowing it, I’ve become a pessimist. A pessimist at 27.
Not a standard pessimist though, they are annoying and negative.
Nae, I am a pioneer! My name is JP and I AM AN OFFICE PESSIMIST!
How I ended up here and what I have learnt and what I am learning, is a long and tall tale, and one which will frequent my other long winded blogs. But in short, I blame travelling, the wonderfully diverse people that you meet and the unmatched freedom of head and heart that you feel.
Excuse my profanity, but fuck you travelling. Fuck you for making me see that it is OK to be different, and that actually, it is better to be so. Genuine. It’s like the total opposite of when you go to a works do and people just talk about work because they have nothing else in common. Or don’t really care.
I’m rambling. Although I am almost certain there is a cream for it, once it sets in, that itch for adventure and real non-works do type stuff, never really leaves.
Symptoms in the Office:
1. You go to a meeting and suddenly everyone is talking bullshit. You hear people say ‘conscious of’ or ‘take offline’ or ‘touch base’ and it doesn’t just make you look judgingly it makes you want to scratch your eyes out.
‘I agree with you, but let’s take that offline and touch base on Monday. We are right in the weeds on this one’.
There is a scene on Peter Kay’s Car Share series (I can’t remember what episode, just watch it all) which beautifully portrays this.
2. Costa Coffee becomes an office ritual. Nae. A treat. A morning routine to get yourself through to lunch. I still look at more senior colleagues who go to the 60p, no frills coffee machine, or, make their own (!!!), with a judging stare. The frivolous fuckers.
3. You are referred to as a profile. ‘It would be good to get you in front of a few of the seniors. Think of that profile of yours. For me, I think we need to be aligned when it comes to your progress’. Wonder how many will have made their own coffee though?
4. A phonecall becomes a nonsense. ‘Let’s put an audio in. You need to come on the journey with us.’ What journey? Are we going away? Can we just talk about it now and move on? Oh right, you need a Costa.
5. Items of clothing become bullshit too. ‘If I put my Leadership Hat on and give you a bit of Coaching, we could really get that profile of yours going….’… WHAT HAT? Where do you keep all these hats? Coaching? You can’t do that and you don’t even have a whistle! Ohhhh right, I get it. No.
6. You use the internet to see what the weather is like, fleetingly remembering what fresh air feels like.
7. You read the news at lunch and then discuss it with colleagues who are reading the same. This is your connection to the world. You even secretly read it on the loo (treating yourself to a sit down wee (SDW) gentlemen) in between a quick go on Candy Crush. Just to break the day up. I swear people sleep in the loos at my office too. I’ll save that for another time.
8. You talk about the traffic. And then talk about talking about the traffic because we are SOOOOO British. And then it’s 15 minutes later. This is a fave of mine. Insert any nominal topic instead of traffic (but not the news, that is for lunch) and then talk. Add that to getting a coffee and having a SDW, and you’ve burnt through an hour. And people claim that the 4 Hour Work Week is a revolution?
I am sure there are more. Feel free to add in the comments. It made me laugh a lot writing this.
I have a good career, don’t get me wrong, and I am not just being a bit of a dick, the above is genuinely now just lost on me. It doesn’t make me happy and I don’t think you shouldn’t be happy 8-5 each day.
The good news?
You can make changes. You can work out what you REALLY WANT and NEED, not what you THINK you should WANT and NEED. Wants and needs do exist, I don’t believe there are just needs to a happy life, but there is a difference between expectation of others influencing what you think you want and need, not what is actually true to you.
I’ll leave you with this beautiful video which summarises my point. Well done Jim Carrey.
I’ll be back.
JP
stopdreamingandstartliving 